


Dear Readers,

by Alois_D



Series: Dear readers [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, Thank you Kim!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6489361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alois_D/pseuds/Alois_D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dear readers, my name is Brian Kinney and I have an announcement to make...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Readers,

 

 

I’ve always thought that I would end up a lonely man. I still do somehow, even if apparently I’m wrong. 

  
  


You know, being a stud, fucking so many guys, and playing this role when you don’t care about anything but your dick, it was easy for me. Exciting. Exhilarating. The way you feel when everybody wants your body and think that you’re some sort of Queer God is amazing. I won’t ever try to tell you that it’s not. 

  
  


I mean, the whole cliché about, “I was so lonely that using my body was the only way to make me feel like I was a part of something real,” is such bullshit. Seriously. Whoever wants to make you think it’s not is a total liar who just wants you to worship him even more by becoming some sort of pathetic hero. I’ve never needed to be pathetic, thank you very much.

  
  


I loved it. It’s as simple as that. I loved being worshiped for my arrogance, my in-your-face honesty, and my hotness. People admired me as much as they hated me. Pathetic fools. They were jealous that I could do what they couldn’t because of their stupid hangups. Right. Try hypocrite manners instead. They just didn’t have the balls that I had. And I have bigger balls than they will ever have, let me tell you. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, with whomever I wanted, and I was not going to apologize because those morons were pussies. Even with only one ball left.

  
  


Being young and carefree was one of the best times of my life. No responsibilities, but only to myself. I had Mikey in my corner who would have done anything for me. I admit I was a shit to him, and maybe our so-called friends - actually, at the time they were really Mikey’s - thought that he was the one going after me, but the truth was, I needed him more than he needed me. Thus, the ‘being a shit’ thing. Not my fault it was the only way to make sure he would not leave me.

  
  


Okay, so, you get it. I was a fucking dick. Well, I had a  _ fucking  _ dick, too. The best “fucking dick” in service in all of Pittsburgh. And don’t think I can’t see you grinning. I know you agree with me.

  
  


But then it changed. I don’t know when exactly. It’s not like I wake up one day and decided to fall in love. I never saw it coming.

  
  


When Justin appeared in my life, he was supposed to be a one-night-stand. A fantastic one, sure. I mean, I usually didn’t go for virgins. Too many complications involved after you’ve popped their cherries. And Justin is the living proof that I was right. Not that I’m unhappy about that; it’s just a fact. 

  
  


If you think that it was love at first sight, you’re wrong. I was so focused on fucking as many men as possible that I was unable to think about anything else but my cock, their asses, and a few other assets I won’t share here. You get my point.

  
  


Justin was a shit. He did everything I expected him to do. He stalked me. Claimed that he was in love. He was in love with my dick alright. I can relate. I’m sure you can, too.

  
  


I tried to push him away. It didn’t work. I tried to resist. That didn’t work, either. And then, it happened. I started to see him differently, not just as the virgin that I took home one night and that came begging for more. I began to see who he really was. How brave he was. How smart, funny, and sexy he was. And more. He was so much more. 

  
  


That doesn’t mean I stopped being an ass, though. I think you can agree that it is impregnated in my DNA, anyway. But I’m the sweetest ass you will ever meet. Okay, I’m not helping here. Stop smiling.

  
  


I can’t say when I acknowledged exactly that I’d fallen for him. His prom, probably. I still can’t think about that night. I’m not going to go there with you now.

  
  


Justin captured my heart. Fuck, I hate those words. It’s so corny. I hate corny. I don’t do corny. But I want you to understand. I’m in love with him. I love him. I do... Fuck, I do, so fucking much.

  
  


When he left for New York, I thought this is it. I almost lost him again with the bombing at Babylon; I proposed to him. I bought a manor for him; I declared my undying love to him, and I meant every word I said. Sure, the whole “wouldn’t you just like to cuddle, instead,” thing was maybe a little too much, but I’d been so afraid of losing him that I needed him to believe I could give him everything he wanted. I honestly thought that was what he wanted. Apparently, I was wrong. And I can admit that today; I’m so glad he knows me better than I do sometimes.

  
  


So, he left to conquer the art world in New York and I let him again. Gus was in Toronto with Linds and Melanie. Mikey had Zen Ben. Even Theodore had reconnected with his true love. I’m not even talking about Emmett. And I was…well, I was not in a good place. Not in a bad place necessarily; I just knew I had to move on, and I didn’t have a clue where to go from there.

  
  


I honestly thought that I would never be with him again. I mean, New York, dear readers... Fucking New York! How could Justin not move on without me? He would have been stupid not to. I would have. I know you don’t believe me, but I don’t really care. All I was sure of was that I was going to see him again. Our lives were too interconnected not to. But that didn’t mean I would have him back in my life. 

  
  


Come on, don’t give me that look. it couldn’t be that simple. The whole “we’re meant to be” bullshit. We’re living in the real world everyone, and it’s a scary place. I should know. I’ve almost lost him twice already. Do you know how it makes me feel just to think about that? No, you don’t. You can’t.

  
  


So, at least this time, he was living, breathing, and doing something for himself. He didn’t need me anymore. He could live his own life without me. In fact, he told me that he could. Except, we’re talking about Justin here. You’d think that he would have grown the fuck up and stopped the stalking thing. He wasn’t a seventeen schoolboy with a crush anymore. He was a man. A stubborn, gifted, smart, beautiful man, who was destined to carve out a great life without me to hold him back. 

  
  


Well, that’s what I thought, honestly. And yet, even if I didn’t want to believe it at first, I eventually realized that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And that, everybody, is 

a truth I still have trouble understanding. But, Justin insists that understanding is overrated anyway.

  
  


So, he never gave up on me. Told me that he  _ could  _ live without me as his partner. He just didn’t  _ want  _ to. He stalked me for months, and fought so hard to make me understand that I was it for him. Me. Brian Kinney. Yeah, you can laugh, because I’m laughing just thinking about it.

  
  


I’m laughing because I don’t understand how a man like him can still be in love with this older stud - fuck, he was seventeen when we met, for Christ’s sake! - who had taken his virginity by giving him a rim job and then fucking him into the mattress, while being completely high. Believe me, I was high that night, and not just from the sheer pleasure of being in his ass. 

  
  


Again, understanding is overrated, I know. But it’s just… it’s so…Fuck! This is so hard to explain. If you ask me, words are overrated, too. They could never convey what I really feel. God, shoot me now before I go all ridiculously romantic on you.

  
  


We’ve made it work. Pittsburgh. New York. It didn’t matter. We’re still here, as partners. Stronger than ever. And I’m so happy I can’t even make a bad joke about it. That’s so annoying.

  
  


You must ask yourself why I’m telling you all this. I can see you. You’re now thirsty for my next words. Who would have thought you would have been thirsty for anything else than my delicious body? Really, if you could taste it, you would be spoiled for any other man forever…And yeah, I’m a sweet ass, remember?

  
  


I’m getting married today. Ta dah! In a few hours, I will officially be Mr. Kinney-Taylor. Unbelievable.

  
  


You should see Justin right now.  He is glowing. Fucking glowing. If I’d known he would be so happy with us being married for real, I would have proposed to him - again - sooner. 

  
  


And honestly? I’m glowing, too. This is the happiest day of my life since he moved to New York. 

  
  


But don’t tell him I told you that, or I will have to kill you.

  
  


BK

  
  
PS:  You can leave me your best wishes. I’ll try to respond to every one of you. Just not today. I will have better things to do with my husband…But, if you’re kind enough, maybe, just maybe, I will tell you all about it someday. Yes, I’m grinning now.

 

 


End file.
